3 Profound Freedoms for a Survivor of Emotional Abuse

Photo by Ariel Lustre

“I am no bird, and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will.” ~ Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

There are 3 profound freedoms for a survivor of emotional abuse

 

Do you feel like you live in a relationship of secrets? Have you lost a sense of your identity and worth?

 

For those who suffer the pain of emotional abuse in a marriage, life can be full of secrets. Your image in the world is one you’ve worked hard to project. Family members and close friends see the perfect couple: a lovely home, beautiful children, and successful careers. But behind closed doors, a very different image is playing out. For years, one partner has been controlling, demeaning, silencing and stripping away the other partner’s dignity, self-respect, and the semblance of personhood.

Who make up the faces of emotional spousal abuse? They are doctors, lawyers, school teachers, and homemakers. They live in inner cities and rural neighborhoods – all of them in their secret prisons. Until they start to ask themselves one question:

How did this happen to me?

 

When you begin to question what’s going on in your relationship, you feel shame, embarrassment, anger, resentment, and fear. For years you may have swept it under the rug. Always bargaining with yourself, attempting to stay for the children, doing your best to live in your circumstance, and losing your precious self in the process.

You may have pushed it far from your consciousness. But your subconscious mind knows it’s only a matter of time. Occasionally, you wonder what everyone would make of the truth. Such a hidden reality. 

 

Until you finally understand that you have to admit the truth to yourself.

Here are 3 profound freedoms for a survivor of emotional abuse:

1. FREEDOM TO TELL THE TRUTH

Living in a house of secrets is not a home of comfort. The decision to leave your relationship creates a jarring moment of truth: no more secrets and no more covering up. With tremendous courage, you decide to tell your family and close friends what was going on in your marriage. You may encounter judgment or disbelief, even people taking sides with your ex-spouse. Through all the adversity you might face, you are sure of one thing: telling the truth and being authentic feels good. It is the key that unlocks your prison door, and the first step on the ladder to strength and independence.

2. FREEDOM FROM ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

As you begin to climb out of the dark hole of emotional abuse, you can feel a huge burden lifted off your shoulders. You may slowly start to realize the full impact of how living in that relationship was affecting you. Perhaps it is feeling the tension leave your body, or the ability to feel light and hopeful again. You may notice you suffer fewer colds and infections.

Emotional abuse takes an enormous toll both mentally and physically. As you gain your footing and start out in a new direction for your life, you struggle to understand what it all meant. Brave hearts – be kind to yourself. In every journey, there is a wondrous lesson to be learned.

3. FREEDOM TO DISCOVER WHO YOU TRULY ARE

Emotional abuse is all about control. You might not have felt free to have your thoughts and feelings. You may feel lost now because you’ve forgotten who you are, but at the same time comforted in knowing you are your salvation. With conviction and courage, you enjoy the freedom of your independence and liberty from mistreatment. You have risen against disrespect. No longer will you be silenced as you begin to search for your voice. You are free to learn who you are, rebuild self-worth, and create a healthier, happier life.

Invisible Scars

Emotional abuse leaves behind what is known as, “invisible scars.” Unlike physical violence, emotional abuse survivors sometimes face disbelief from those closest to them. This creates a very painful experience. You crave validation and a witness to what you have endured. Those on the outside can’t see the damage and often remark with disbelief.

LET THEM BE. YOU KNOW YOUR TRUTH.  Sometimes survivors of emotional abuse learn that they have to be okay with that.

Happy Independence Day!

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