Finding yourself single again at midlife?
4 California divorce experts share their #1 tips for starting over after divorce.
The Golden State is well known for its sunny beaches, mountain destinations, celebrity sightings, fabulous restaurants, and laid-back lifestyle. California has long been known as a progressive state, setting trends in the nation. But how is it trending regarding divorce?
In 2012, The Orange County Register found that Orange County, California had one of the highest divorce rates in the nation. They discovered that approximately 33 people in the O.C. initiate divorce proceedings each day. Other statistics have shown that California has a 60% divorce rate, up from the national average of 50%. All this adds up to a lot of broken vows and broken hearts.
If you are finding yourself single again at midlife, you’re probably facing many challenges. The thought of starting your life over may be an unpopular one and feels daunting or even impossible sometimes.
So what can YOU do to take the first step toward starting your new life? Let me introduce you to four experts in the field of divorce recovery. Their #1 tips can help take you from feeling it’s impossible, to believing you can do this. You can more than do this. You can be triumphant.
Mia’s #1 Tip:
Set your own boundaries. Do what is right for you!!!
“When you are getting divorced in midlife you have quite possibly been married more than half your life. People are going to be curious and might overstep to get information about your divorce situation. It is okay to provide them with little or no information. When we are going through the fog which I call “survival mode” that goes with divorce we sometimes forget that we don’t owe anyone an explanation. Frankly, it is rude, and no one’s business.”
Favorite quote:
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~ Unknown
Mia Quaglia, MSW, LCSW, Certified Coach – Counseling Merced and Divorce and Thrive, Merced, California
Dalila’s #1 Tip:
Get professional help from a psychotherapist that specializes in Divorce Recovery.
Favorite quote:
“Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.” ~ Zoe Krawitz
Stephanie’s #1 Tip: 
Don’t miss the opportunity to turn your pain into growth and empowerment.
“Divorce is one of the hardest things we can go through and involves a lot of loss, which is so important to process and work through. However, it also presents an opportunity for growth, strength, and empowerment. I find that for many people the tendency is to get stuck in pain, and not take the next step of learning all they can learn about themselves, what they’ve been through and what they want for their life moving forward. It can be a difficult process because it takes work to become more self-aware and sort through your life experiences openly and honestly, but it is among the most rewarding work you will ever do. I have been so inspired by working with my clients to turn their pain into a gain, realize their full potential and create more authentic and happy lives. There can be good things that come from difficult and painful experiences, but you have to be open to finding them.”
Favorite Quote:
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou
Stephanie Macadaan, LMFT – Author of “Moving Beyond the Breakup,” Los Angeles, California
Jamie’s #1 Tip:
Take the time to get to know yourself and to be okay on your own.
“Truly get to know yourself. Maybe you didn’t take the time to know who you were before because you were busy being a wife, a partner or a mother to your children. I know your tendency to put everyone else’s needs before your own. Now is an excellent opportunity to put yourself first for a change. It may feel uncomfortable initially, but it will get easier and begin to feel amazing. Get to know what your current values are, as these can change over the years. Ask yourself what feels meaningful to you now? Spend some quiet time and ponder these questions. Experiment and try new things. What are your favorite past times? Hobbies? Movies? Foods? Music? Identify a bucket list of items you would like to experience. It’s your time to get to know yourself again and learn to be okay on your own. Every choice you make afterward will be from a place of knowing who you are, and from a position of wanting not need.”
Favorite quote:
“The closer you come to knowing that you alone create the world of your experience, the more vital it becomes for you to discover just who is doing the creating.” ~ Eric Michael Leventhal
Jamie Daniel, LMFT – Author of “The Gifts of Divorce,” Westlake Village, California
If you are in the process of a divorce, or still trying to recover from one, please reach out for help and support. As one who has experienced a divorce, I know that it can make all the difference in your recovery. You’ll not only learn that you’ll be okay, but you may also create a fabulous life!
Hi, my name is Jamie Daniel-Farrell. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a practice in Westlake Village, CA. Specializing in couples counseling and divorce recovery, I provide counseling services for individuals and couples who are motivated to create healthier, happier lives and relationships. If you're ready to break out of unhealthy patterns in your relationship, I would be happy to help! Please feel free to reach out or to call me at: