4 Reasons Friendship is So Important During Divorce

“If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I will sail the world to find you. If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and can’t see, I’ll be the light to guide you.” ~ Unknown

This article is dedicated to Sibona, Diane, Maria, Katherine, and Julie. Thank you for loving me through the process and for being my life raft. 

When going through my divorce, the friendships I made became my most valued treasure. I learned that the importance of having healthy, supportive friendships during a divorce cannot be overstated. It’s a time when you can feel judged by family members and looked upon by your married friends as if you’re contagious. You may feel alone, isolated and very misunderstood while going through one of life’s most painful experiences. I’m here to tell you that there’s a community of friends out there waiting to support and welcome you – without judgment or fear, but with love, kindness, empathy and understanding. Who and where are they you might wonder? They walk among you and have traveled the journey of divorce. They can be found at the local gym, at church, in support groups, and at social events. If you’re brave enough to let your story be known, others going through a similar experience will come out of the woodwork and be drawn to you. Genuinely supportive friendships can form.

Here are four reasons friendship is so important for a divorce survivor:

Companionship

At a time when everything in your life is changing and feeling turned upside down, fellowship with a supportive friend will give you the opportunity to talk and process what’s going on in your life. It can serve as a vehicle for fun, new experiences as you venture out into the world again. Chances are you’re both single, and your schedules are more open. You can plan outings, dinners out, to see movies and to go hiking together. Whatever your common interests, companionship with good friends fills in the gaps and the lonely spaces you feel while getting a divorce.  Companions get you out of your house and back into life.

The Gift of Supporting and Being Supported

When making friends with those going through the similar experience of divorce, you’ll find yourself taking turns being both “supportive of” and “supported by” each other. Supporting each other through this transition can be very healing for both because as you help another, you are healing yourself. Try sharing late night phone calls to check in on each other’s day, offering to help in emergencies and watching each other’s children are a few examples. Whatever terms of support you both agree upon, you’ll no longer feel alone in the world.

Understanding and Validation

Friends who’ve gone through a divorce know the sadness, pain, anger and frustration you sometimes feel. They’re here to say, “I understand how you might be feeling. It hurts, and it sucks right now.” There’s a great comfort when those words come from someone who knows and has been through it. Though we all process through divorce recovery in our unique ways, we also share many common experiences. These friends understand what it’s like to feel judged by family or old friends. They look at you and reflect back kindness and understanding. They see your value and worth, even when you don’t.

The Family You Choose

Healthy, supportive friends can become the family you want. They’ll be there during the hard times, and there to celebrate the good times. They’re a witness to your struggle, your personal triumphs, and they can see how far you’ve come. They’re non-judgmental, accepting and trusting. They give advice only when you ask for it and they love you no matter what choices you make, or hard lessons you learn along the way.

Brave hearts. Honor your courage. Honor your knowing.