4 Reasons It Gets Easier to Walk Away From Another Marriage

Photograph by Alessio Lin

Are you thinking about walking away from another marriage?

There are 4 reasons why it feels easier the second or third time.

Divorce Statistics

Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates?  Why do we appear so much less invested in a subsequent marriage?

Here are four reasons why it gets easier to walk away from a second or third marriage:

1. Rebound Marriages: The result of Misguided Self-Motivations

(Photograph by Brian Mann)

You know these people. The ones who left one marriage and fell right into another. They didn’t spend much time working on themselves or learning from their past relationship. Some feel motivated by a fear of being alone the rest of their lives, or financial worries about a single income. Some honestly want that happiness they’ve been seeking, looking externally rather than inwardly for the answer. Rebound marriages are driven by misguided self-motivations one may not have brought into the light.

2. Protecting Oneself Emotionally and Financially

Subsequent marriages never seem to hold a candle to the first one regarding what one is willing to invest. As much as you want to get it right this time, gone is the unbridled trust and optimism. It’s such a contradiction, isn’t it? Marriage by its very essence is a “joining,” the very thing you are so reluctant to do in subsequent marriages, both emotionally and financially. That can leave a married couple feeling a dissonance between the agreement of their relationship and the actions that follow. In short, a marriage license, but none of the perceived benefits of the first marriage.

3. Less Glue and Patience to Hold it Together

It’s easier to walk away from second and third marriages because there are less glue and patience to hold it together. Often there are no shared children, and there may be much less history or shared memories together because you met when you were older. With the popularity of pre-nuptials, finances may not be holding it together either. Throw in the additional taking on of the other person’s past, and baggage and the scales have just tilted. When times get tough, some become impatient and pull out instead of making an investment to see it through.

4. Quicker to Pull the Trigger

When people leave their first marriages after ten, fifteen or twenty plus years together, I often hear them ask themselves why they didn’t do it sooner. They struggle mightily with that question. I imagine in a subsequent marriage, they might feel they know better than to wait too much time should it happen again this time. There is always a finger resting gently on that trigger – just in case.

(Photograph by Mantas Hesthaven)

One thing seems sure. Marriage is more complicated the second or third time around. Our society has changed over the years, and the value of self-fulfillment and happiness have become a priority. Is it possible to redefine expectations of a subsequent marriage so as not to hold it to the standard of the first one? Or is it a question of the very institution itself?

Brave Hearts. Honor Your Courage. Honor Your Knowing.