4 Ways to Find Comfort & Joy During a Difficult Holiday

It’s the middle of the night in December, and I can’t sleep.

Sitting in the darkness with the glare of my laptop blinding me, my thoughts drift to my three sons. The youngest is sleeping soundly in his bed. His two older brothers are away at college. Apart from all the messy happenings here.

My husband packed up his clothes and a few belongings and moved out of our home a few months ago, renting an apartment close by. Our marriage is on the rocks after 27 years.

Everything feels so strange and surreal. Earlier in the evening, while pushing a grocery cart down the empty aisles at the store, the front wheel began screeching and sticking making the cart difficult to push. All the enthusiasm of what used to make this time of year special (making holiday food, decorating and buying presents) left me like the air out of a balloon. I’ve never felt so alone.

Nothing about this holiday season feels familiar, smooth or joyous.

How sad and uncomfortable this all feels.

Sometimes it feels unbearable to live with this uncertainty, change, and loss. Especially juxtaposed against the holiday season, where you’re supposed to feel the comfort of family traditions, continuity, and love.

Being a Type A, problem-solving is my go-to, and all I know is I’m frantic to feel better. I wonder if there’s any comfort or hope to be found?

In my search, I discovered four ways to bring some happiness and peace into this challenging time.

1.  A Good Self-Help Book

“The Spiritual Divorce,”  by Debbie Ford, provides a source of comfort. It’s hard to focus on anything but divorce when you’re in it, and reading about her experience is timely and compelling. She suggests beginning to look at your divorce through the lens of seeing all the blessings and gifts of your marriage, rather than focusing on what went wrong. That the season of your marriage is coming to an end, and now your life is meant for another direction. Possibly an incredibly happy one. There’s the hope!

This particular book may not speak to you and offer the same inspiration. But I know there’s a book out there just for you. One that brings you comfort.

 

 

2.  Coffee, Friends & Comfortable Blankets

Making an effort to connect with friends, especially those who’ve been through a divorce or those who are in the process of one like me, feels good.

We’re meeting regularly at Starbuck’s over coffee, taking warm blankets to swaddle up in, and sharing laughter and tears. Most importantly, we’re supporting each other.

This routine, as well as a cup of warm coffee or tea,  is becoming symbolic of a special healing place.

 

 3.  Hope Bracelets and Affirmations

Sometimes, I don’t know who I am anymore if I’m not a married woman. An idea came to make hope bracelets for my circle of friends going through a divorce. The bracelet is symbolic and meant to be worn or held as a reminder of how beautiful, strong and courageous you are, and that there is hope for a loving future. When you’re in the midst of tough days, hold on to the bracelet and repeat those words, “I am beautiful, strong and courageous.” It’s easy to forget those things about yourself when divorce seems to take it all.

 

4.  Good-Night Phone Calls 

A good friend and I decided to check-in with each other at the end of each day. We share our difficult moments and our victories that day. It feels like a warm hug and makes it easier to sleep at night.  It is a welcome source of support and comfort while getting through the difficult first days. It’s letting each other know you are loved and cared about.

I’m not sure these suggestions will help you, but I hope that they will spur you to think of ways you can feel more comfort, joy, and hope during your holidays.

We are a sisterhood. A community of women helping each other through a painful chapter in our lives.

Blessings and love to you this holiday season.