4 Ways to Survive the Holiday Season During Your Divorce

(Photograph by Sweta Meininger)

“A single rose can be my garden….a single friend, my world.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

Going through the holiday season after suffering a divorce or breakup, forgive my French, sucks. Hearing the holiday music playing in stores (ugh), seeing the preview of holiday movies (definitely not going), and all the couples and families who seem to be hugging, smiling and laughing (please fast forward to January 2nd), make this time of year especially challenging. The truth is that holidays are fraught with expectations that are rarely ever met, even under the best of circumstances. Still, going through a divorce or breakup seems to go against everything the holiday season represents. This may be the first time you will spend only half the holiday with your children, creating feelings of sadness, loneliness and being out-of-sorts. While you can’t make it go away, and you may have to purchase that tree or set up the menorah for the children, there are things you can do to make the holiday season less painful.

1. Plan Ahead

Being mindful that the holidays can be stressful, it will help you a great deal if you plan ahead and schedule activities on the days you believe will be the hardest. See a movie, visit a museum, go out to eat at a new restaurant or perhaps plan a trip out-of-town. Too much downtime over the holidays can be tough. If you are spending some time alone, plan a day of pampering yourself in a healthy way. It is so important to exercise self-love through the season.

2. Start New Traditions

Now is the time to create brand new holiday traditions for you and your children. Your kids will be comforted with continuing some familiar traditions, but adding new ones to the mix will help combat the memories of the way it used to be, and set you up for new and fun ways to celebrate today. You may decide to sit down for Thanksgiving on a Friday or add a new holiday dish to the menu. You can create a gratitude tree and pin-up one thing you are grateful for each day. Get creative and have fun with this!

3. Spend Time with Supportive Friends

If you have a good friend or two, attempt to schedule a holiday get-together ahead of time, as everyone gets busy this time of year. Perhaps you can join them for a holiday meal if you find you are alone on a particular day. It’s also helpful to create a phone tree of a few friends or family members you trust. Ask them ahead of time if you can call for a quick chat if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or alone.

4. Schedule an Extra Session with Your Therapist

Many therapists see clients during the holidays. Why not take advantage of the extra support? It is very healing to talk about how you are coping. Your therapist will listen and maybe even offer a few ideas to help you through this challenging time. Remember to please share with your therapist if you are struggling and feeling hopeless or unsafe.

Remember the holidays will pass.  And each year they will get a little easier. You will get through this. Take good care of yourself by taking a few minutes to plan ahead. It can make a tremendous difference.

**The holiday season can be tough for some people. If you are feeling a loss of hope, that you can’t cope or that you are unsafe, please call 911, a family member or drive to your nearest hospital.**

Brave hearts. Honor your courage. Honor your knowing.