There are 5 big little lies about life after divorce that you should know.
Get ready to clear out the untruths and the negative energy that is created by fear, or by listening to well-meaning people who don’t know any better.
YOU ARE THE MASTER DESIGNER OF YOUR LIFE. Up until now, you’ve orchestrated every piece. From where you stand today, how you choose to think about your life, and how you write the story about what happened to you makes all the difference in your present and future experience. Any unrealistic, self-limiting or negative beliefs will keep you from experiencing an abundant and happy life. Kiss your inner naysayer goodbye!
Here are five big little lies you might believe, or you’re told about life after a divorce:
1. It’s too late to reinvent yourself. 
BUZZER: WRONG!!! Please hear this: It’s never, ever too late to start again. True both for big things and for little things. You can go back to school, pursue a dream, change direction, choose to close one door and open another. You can change an old belief for a new one. Or decide you want a sportscar, or become a vegan. You and your life are always changing, transitioning, and growing. Ask yourself what fully aligns with your life right now? Then create it.
2. Lifetime alimony is a sure thing.
Oh boy. I hate to be a fear-monger. I’m sharing this with you because I care and want you to be okay. Many women, awarded with lifetime alimony, invest in the notion that they will always be financially safe. No matter how well-meaning your ex is, shit happens. Jobs get lost. People get sick. Exes get remarried. If any of those things happen, your financial landscape can change. In the state of California, child support is enforced by the court, but alimony is not. It is always up for renegotiation. Plan ahead, and try not to live above your means.
3. All the good men are taken. 
How many times have you heard, “All the good ones are taken?” It’s true that as you get older, the choices of available men get a bit slimmer than when you were younger. But there are real, honest and caring people available out there. The healthier you are, the healthier people you will attract. I always say, learn to be okay on your own and approach finding love from a place of want and not need. You are lovable, and you can find love again.
4. You really should have stayed and worked things out.
Is this coming from your inner voice or someone else’s? Good marriages don’t end in divorce, okay? They just don’t. That fact alone should be enough to remind you that when you do pull out the rose colored glasses, you’re aware that you’re choosing to remember only the good things. Your new life may be challenging at times, and wishing you were still married is an understandable escape. But remember, your marriage was challenging, too.
5. You’ll get over it.
SURPRISE: Nope, you won’t. But, you’ll get through it. You’ll move forward. If you’ve worked through your baggage, you can have a great life and find healthy love again. But like a death of a partner, this is an end of a very significant relationship in your life. Perhaps it’s the death of your family as you knew it. So, to say you’ll get over it isn’t true. You’ll find a place in your heart to store the good memories. You are learning that life is about passages. It’s how you adapt and want to think of it that allows you to move forward with a happy and joyous life.
Starting over is an opportunity for rebirth. You can begin again and create a life that is fully your own. What you might once have thought you couldn’t do will be proven wrong. You will surprise and amaze yourself. You have limitless resources, strengths, and talents you might not have seen before this happened to you. I love this quote by Tamara Thiel:
“It’s amazing, really, how in one instant a wall can be torn down, or climbed over. Misconceptions can be shattered, illusions dashed, dreams irrevocably ruined. Given the right frame of mind, within a heartbeat, people can begin the business of starting over.”
Hi, my name is Jamie Daniel-Farrell. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a practice in Westlake Village, CA. Specializing in couples counseling and divorce recovery, I provide counseling services for individuals and couples who are motivated to create healthier, happier lives and relationships. If you're ready to break out of unhealthy patterns in your relationship, I would be happy to help! Please feel free to reach out or to call me at: