8 Healing Practices to Help You Recover From Divorce

“The knowledge of the past stays with us. To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clinging and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit.” ~ Jack Kornfield

The stages of divorce recovery are similar to all who experience it and at the same time, unique to each one. How long it takes, what it looks like and how you manage it are born of personal choices and experiences. There are ways, however, to help your recovery go more smoothly.

1. Go With the Least Resistance

When you resist what you are feeling or going through, it can take on a greater force, affecting your life in an unfriendly way. In divorce recovery, if you try to swim up a mighty river to get where you want to go, it will take you even longer to get there. Learning to develop the ability to work with what is, while not trying to bury or force things will alleviate many uncomfortable feelings you might be experiencing, and aid in the healing process. If you wake up one day feeling sad, for example, try to acknowledge and breathe into the sadness, accepting what is and letting it go. If you worry the sadness might overwhelm you, set aside 20 minutes that day to allow, yourself to feel sad. When the 20 minutes are over, go on about your day. Planning it this way allows you to process what you are going through while still being able to function throughout the day.

2. Letting Go

Letting go requires an understanding that you have no control over anyone or anything other than your thoughts and actions. It’s releasing judgments and expectations you put on yourself and others. For example, if I were to put a timeline on my divorce recovery, I have just set an expectation for myself, one that may disappoint if my recovery takes a bit longer. Learn to take one day and one step at a time.

3. See a Therapist

During a divorce, there is much to process and go through. You have to be mindful of how much you lean on your friends and family. Sitting down with a trained professional as you travel this journey can be worth its weight in gold. Find a therapist that’s a good fit for you. Someone you can talk to about anything, who doesn’t judge you and offers good support, guidance, and tools to help you better manage your recovery.

4. Cultivate a Supportive Tribe of Friends

The value of friendships during a divorce cannot be underestimated. Learn who your trusted friends are – those who accept and love you just as you are. Sometimes they are old friends and sometimes they are new friends perhaps going through a similar experience as you are. Create a support system between you such as agreements to be there for each other in an emergency or if the car breaks down. You probably won’t be calling your ex-spouse to do these things anymore. Laugh together, be silly and cry together. These are your sisters in divorce recovery.

5. Spend Time Outdoors

Spending time outdoors can be its healing meditation. Whether it’s walking on the beach, hiking in the mountains or strolling through a park, outdoors bringing us into the present moment where stress and worry do not reside. A little sunshine provides vitamin D and helps elevate your mood. The sights, sounds, and peacefulness of nature can bring you back to your higher self – to the bigger picture of your life.

6. Get Enough Exercise and Sleep

Exercise is a healthy outlet for stress, anxiety, and tension. It helps build confidence and self-esteem. If you choose to use a gym, it can be a social outlet for making new friends who have a common interest. Along with all these benefits, exercise can help you sleep. A good night’s sleep is vital when recovering from divorce. Emotional and mental stresses can take a toll on your health. Sleep rebuilds the body, relaxes the mind and gives you strength and support to handle a new day. If you are having trouble sleeping during this transition, please consult with your doctor.

7. Plan Ahead for the Weekend

During divorce recovery, weekends can sometimes be the hardest days of the week,  especially if it’s your weekend without the kids. You have fewer distractions and more downtime for thoughts to create a playground in your head. Before the weekend arrives, make a plan for yourself. Schedule a movie, spend some time with a friend, plan a bubble bath and time to read a good book, or cook yourself a favorite meal. Weekends become TLC time. On the flip side, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by too much activity when going through a divorce. Know your limits and plan accordingly.

8. Date

Dating during or right after the divorce has gotten a bad rap. If you’ve been married a long time and are curious about dating, it is a symbol of changing course in your life. It can take your mind off your ex-spouse and help you move on. Wherever you are in the recovery process, be mindful of what level of relationship you can take on. Dating can build confidence, self-esteem and provide a contrast for what you want and don’t want in your next relationship. It can also be a way of making new friends.

Traveling the road of divorce recovery can feel like a long, rough journey. The path can be made less bumpy by practicing healthy self-care and being mindful of where you are and what you need.

Brave Hearts. Honor your courage. Honor Your Knowing.