The Adventures of the Ex Mrs. Jones: Meets Her "Mr. Big"

Welcome to the adventures of the Ex Mrs. Jones!

You are cordially invited to come along on her journey.

Is the Ex Mrs. Jones a real, living person? Did these things happen to her? Well, yes and no, and maybe. She is a culmination of rich tales shared by women who were beginning again at midlife. What the Ex Mrs. Jones has in common with all of these women is a shared sense of wonder, nagging emotional pain, vulnerability and comfort for taking risks. After her marriage had ended, she wandered her world in search of answers and understanding. She was in search of herself.

However, in spite of her trials and misadventures, I want you to know her story has a happy ending. EVENTUALLY.

Now, come along! She hates waiting.

The Ex Mrs. Jones Meets Her “Mr. Big.”

One January evening, the Ex Mrs. Jones is waiting nervously to meet a prospective suitor she met on eharmony. Sitting in her chair outside of a local Starbucks, she sees a dark, handsome man approach. It’s him, she thinks to herself. Her heart is pounding, she pinches her cheeks, fluffs up her hair, waves and sees that he recognizes her. Butterflies are going crazy in her stomach.

The Ex Mrs. Jones was in love before she ever met him – well, we’ll talk about that later.

Unbeknownst to her, she had just met her Mr. Big.

There was undeniable chemistry between them, and after coffee, he asked her out on a date.

Naive, trusting and freshly out of her marriage, the Ex Mrs. Jones had jumped into the online dating pool. She didn’t care that everyone said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. The distraction took her mind off of more painful things, like her divorce. Besides, she would prove everyone wrong.

Drunk with the idea of love, she couldn’t think about or wish for anything else. She put her up a profile on several sites. Though her inbox lit up with emails and matches, the Ex Mrs. Jones could only think of Mr. Big.

Something isn’t right.

Pretty quickly, the Ex Mrs. Jones knew something wasn’t right with her Mr. Big. Though it had been a long time since she’d dated another man, she didn’t remember it making her feel this way. Everything about their relationship was so unclear. There were “rules” about dating that she didn’t know. And her Mr. Big knew how to play by them. After all, his dating profile tagline read, “PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS.”

Overlooking almost all of this, she wondered, is it normal to be left guessing all the time? Is this how every relationship gets started? Is love supposed to feel like this? Or is my heart still too vulnerable, she wondered?

Her heart was way too fragile. But, still, she continued.

The Ex Mrs. Jones was incurably in love with love.

Or so it seemed. How could the Ex Mrs. Jones possibly be so enamored with Mr. Big? Afterall, they had just met. Why would she expose her tender heart to any mistreatment?

I KNOW! It’s so easy for all of us to see this. But the Ex Mrs. Jones just could not. To understand her actions, you would need to pull it apart. There you’d find a tangled web of naivete, self-sabotage, guilt, raw vulnerability, loss of identity, low self-worth and a woman with no idea what healthy love should be.

What she couldn’t understand right away was that there were many lessons he was meant to teach her. About herself, that is.

The Ex Mrs. Jones means well, and she tries her best. But sometimes, it’s at her own dear expense.

Always left waiting.

Waiting for the phone to ring. Hoping to be asked out again. Wondering when she would be welcomed into Mr. Big’s world. Waiting for him to show up on time. Waiting for when he decides SHE’S ready for a relationship. Waiting, waiting, waiting. She was the puppet and he the puppeteer.

Keeping Her Close Enough, but Far Away.

It soon became apparent that Mr. Big was excellent at the push-pull. He would reel her in and then throw her back in the water. He would say all the right things, then contradict himself. It was crazy making. Her heart was not elastic enough. And because she was not yet emotionally healthy, or ready to stand up for herself, she put up with his shenanigans.

That Yucky Feeling.

You know that feeling in your stomach? When you’re not being treated respectfully, yet you continue to put up with the same bad behavior? The Ex Mrs. Jones did this for too long. Her friends saw it. Her family saw it. It finally became her turn to see it. It felt a bit scary, the thought of turning away Mr. Big. Would that mean she’d be all alone?

SHE GREW TIRED OF FEELING YUCKY AND LESS THAN.

Eventually, it became apparent to her that SHE needed to see her worth before anyone else would. Before the right people would.

Journey Toward Self-Worth

The Ex Mrs. Jones was on a painful journey to find her worth long before she met her Mr. Big. From childhood to an abusive, broken marriage, to all the men who had helped her feel less than, lessons were thrown at her left and right. Until she was ready to heal, grow and respectfully commit to herself, being treated with such disregard was the name of her game.

The day came when she understood precisely what she was doing. She saw a theme playing out around the men in her life. That’s when everything changed. Armed with this knowledge and newfound clarity, it became impossible for her to continue this pattern.

The Painful Truth About Mr. Big

It was accurate that Mr. Big didn’t treat the Ex Mrs. Jones very well.

Particularly relevant was the knowledge that it was SHE who didn’t respect herself. THAT truth was more painful than anything Mr. Big could have done to her. Therefore she could no longer blame him, but instead, she had to take responsibility herself.

Before long, she was ready to learn some essential truths. She realized that:

You attract your equal. (Quite an embarrassing fact for her). You draw a partner with the same level of emotional health as you.
It’s far better to be alone and value yourself than to be in the company of another who devalues you.
It feels SO nice to say NO to bad behavior. Who knew?
You have to be brave to begin the process of changing old patterns.

Giving Mr. Big the Boot

When the Ex Mrs. Jones was finally ready to say goodbye to those who did not value, respect or uplift her, she mysteriously began to attract the people who did.

The Adventures of the Ex Mrs. Jones: Meets Her “Mr. Big”