After the breakup, are you feeling reluctant to do things by yourself?
I’ve got 6 tips to help you brave it, solo.
Are you on your own again and finding that you miss doing all of the things you used to do when your significant other was comfortably by your side?
Now, when you walk by your favorite hangouts, does the mere thought of grabbing a bite in a restaurant, or going to see a new movie by yourself feel terrifying? Let me reassure you; you are not alone.
Self-Limiting Thoughts or Beliefs
We all operate from the thoughts and beliefs that make up our comfort zone. That being said, it doesn’t hurt to stop and reassess from time to time if your thoughts and beliefs are keeping you from experiencing new things and enjoying your life. Pushing outside of your comfort zone will lead to serendipitous moments and incredible personal growth.
There are so many different ways of living your life. Does fear play a role in the choices or decisions you make in how you live yours?
The Liberation of Going Outside Your Box
Our comfortable boxes – you know the one that contains your routines and preferences, but lacks creative change, or trying anything new? Take the lid off your box and take an honest look inside. What do you see? Does everything feel familiar, safe and make you feel more secure and at ease?
I love this quote from Benedict Cumberbatch, about all the fun that exists just outside that box of yours.
“The further you get away from yourself, the more challenging it is. Not to be in your comfort zone is great fun.”
Trying new things feels both frightening and exhilarating. Once you’ve done it, you will feel much more confident about doing things by yourself in the future.
I remember the first time I saw a movie by myself. I was sure everyone was staring at me. (They weren’t, of course). And as the film went on, I became more okay with it. I sat there with my bag of popcorn, engrossed in a movie of my choosing. To my surprise, the experience turned out to be one of pure joy! I felt brave, adventurous and I wanted to do it again.
Here are 6 tips to help you boldly adventure out on your own
I suggest starting with small adventures. When you master each one, it will encourage you to try another, and another.
1. Start with a coffee shop.
You can comfortably sit indoors or outdoors if the weather permits. Have fun people watching, reading a book, and enjoying a cup of your favorite brew.
2. Check out Meetup, and sign up for activities of interest to you.
If you haven’t heard of Meetup, it’s a great place to go to meet people by joining groups of interest. There’s a wide range of groups: hiking, wine tasting, meditation, business networking, crafting, and SO much more.
3. Try an afternoon movie.
Apparently, the afternoon is a favorite time for seniors to go to the movies. That was my experience during my first attempt to brave it solo at the movies. It felt very non-threatening, and I went back many times.
4. Have lunch at an outdoor cafe.
Lunch at a restaurant is a great activity to try solo. Remember, you may feel uncomfortable at first. Try to focus your attention on the present moment. Notice the sights and sounds, and savor your delicious meal.
5. Book an overnighter in a hotel nearby.
This is a big step when you’re ready! I recommend you try just one night at first, and think of all the ways you can indulge yourself while there. Perhaps go to the spa, get a massage, read your favorite book, order room service or dine out.
6. Fly to a destination away from home.
It could be to visit family or an old friend. Book your ticket, make your arrangments to get to the airport, and be on your way!
If you’re one of those people who has always been comfortable doing things by yourself, you are a step ahead! This won’t seem too difficult, I’m sure.
On the other hand, if you’ve grown used to venturing out with a companion, it can feel very uncomfortable at first. Hang in there, and stick with small adventures in the beginning. I’m pretty sure you will grow to love this newfound ability, and the freedom and opportunity it provides.
Hi, my name is Jamie Daniel-Farrell. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a practice in Westlake Village, CA. Specializing in couples counseling and divorce recovery, I provide counseling services for individuals and couples who are motivated to create healthier, happier lives and relationships. If you're ready to break out of unhealthy patterns in your relationship, I would be happy to help! Please feel free to reach out or to call me at: