“And the lost heart stiffens and rejoices in the lost lilac and the lost sea voices, and the weak spirit quickens to rebel for the bent golden-rod and the lost sea smell.”  ~ T.S. Eliot

Looking for Mooring Lines

Two months had passed since my estranged husband moved out of our home after 26- years of marriage. I existed in the haze or fog of divorce, unable to focus on anything and my thoughts were all over the map. I had no personal compass, and my new life did not come with directions. Every minute of every day felt like a huge question mark. The ground beneath me was not stable. I searched desperately for an anchor. I felt lost.

A Lighthouse in the Distance

It feels like waking up one day, and absolutely everything in your life has changed. Women define themselves primarily by their relationships and their homes. If you are in mid-life and your children are leaving home at the same time the marriage is ending, you are thrown off course. The two things you knew that you were, mother and wife, are changing. If you devoted your life to being a stay-at-home mom, you might experience a deeper identity crisis. It make take some time, but soon will come a critical realization: You still have you.

Unchartered Territory

Knowing that you still have yourself can be both reassuring and perplexing. You might know for example, that you are strong and courageous, but do you know the simple things about yourself?  Having been fully immersed in my family I could tell you intricate details about my children or ex-husband, but if you asked me something as simple as what my favorite color was, I honestly didn’t know. How long did it take to answer that question for myself? Longer than I’ll admit. Now is the time you get to explore for yourself, read lots of books, attempt to answer these questions, remove labels you or others put on yourself that don’t fit, redefine your passions and goals and go about setting a new course for your life. Be kind to yourself on this journey as there are no maps and no instructions.

Hitting Land: The Beginnings of Self-Discovery

Learning about yourself and who you are is truly a step-by-step process, one day at a time. It is a journey of self-discovery against the backdrop of grieving the end of marriage. There will be moments of excitement and joy contrasted with moments of deep sadness over the letting go of life that is no more. At times it might feel like trying on different sizes of shoes until you find the right ones that fit. You may be eating new foods, trying new things, dating again and exploring beyond the limitations you might have set on your life before the divorce. Were those self-imposed shackles necessary while being a wife and a mother to young children? Perhaps. But suddenly they no longer seem to fit, and you become free of them.

Home at Last! I’m Found

Do we ever stop growing, evolving and changing? I hope not. Our life can have many chapters, or a part one and a part two. It always seems to take a trial in life to help us realize our greatest opportunities for transformation. You can learn you are always “home” when you are your anchor. Home is not a destination, but a place that resides within all of us once we know who we are, honor ourselves and acknowledge and live authentic lives. Then, we will never feel lost again.

Brave Hearts. Honor your courage. Honor Your Knowing.