Divorce With Integrity: His Story

 What does it mean to divorce with integrity?

As a therapist and divorce coach, you have many clients. And then you have that one client. The one who sticks in your memory. The one who came to see you because they were in the most difficult emotional pain. Something had happened in their life that was too big for them to handle on their own. The one client who over time, rose above his painful personal trial and handled it with a grace you will never forget.

“Act Like a Man!”

“Come on, act like a man!” his spouse would tell him many times, even after she surprised him with the news that she wanted to divorce. Blindsided, he struggled to come to grips with this life-changing wish of hers. Over the next several months they had to share a home until their daughter finished out the school year and it was time to sell it. During that period, he would have many moments of reckoning.

He took full responsibility for what he felt was his contribution to their marriage ending. Showing tears and struggle, he would hear, “Act like a man!” As she tried to manipulate his reaction so she would not have to experience his pain, he would do his best to keep her comfortable, stifle his emotions, and breathe in quietly over her personal insults. He was always thinking of his daughter before himself.   (Photograph by Ethan Sykes)

Doing it All for My Daughter

His spouse persisted in attempting to control all the outcomes of her decision to divorce. She even tried to control the message, demanding that family and friends be told they had jointly made this decision. She decided where they both were going to move, how that would look regarding proximity, and the date, time and message they would present the news of their parting to his parents. Until then, he was not allowed to confide in or talk to anyone. At the same time that he was dealing with the stages of grief, he managed to hold everything together and go along with his wife’s game plan to keep the peace. He admitted to seeing the greater good in the long-term. “I’m doing all of this for my daughter.”

More of A Man

The ability to put oneself second for the better good of all; when you have no control over devastating events in your life, but you manage to control yourself; when you can remain composed when your spouse is berating you – this person is more a man than many. His sacrifice and ability to see the big picture when it feels like his world is falling around him are incredible. For the greater good of his daughter, he’s doing the difficult thing – the hardest thing – the noblest thing.

Though there are many men going through the arduous journey of divorce, this man stands out. He stands tall. He values integrity, choosing his thoughts and actions based on his values rather than personal gain.  (Photograph by Caleb Jones)

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A great man is always willing to be little.”

Brave Hearts. Honor Your Courage. Honor Your Knowing.