Is Midlife the Second Rebellion?

(Photograph by Genessa Panainte)

Is Midlife the Second Rebellion?

Her messy hair a visible attribute of her stubborn spirit. As she shakes it free, she smiles knowing wild is her favorite color. ~ J. Iron Word

You never stop growing.

Throughout the human lifespan, personal growth and development continue to unfold. Along with that come distinct, identifiable stages. As a therapist specializing in divorce recovery, the transition of midlife and “midlife crisis” is fascinating to me because it’s associated with divorce. Our culture has given mid-life crisis a lot of attention, much of it comical, sarcastic and heavily lampooned. But is that fair? In psychologist Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory of development, he describes this stage from age 40 – 65 as “middle adulthood,” and defines the primary concern of this time in life as “generativity versus stagnation.” I liken it to puberty all over again.

The adult version, and it can look something like this:

Identity Crisis

(Photograph by Christian Gertenbach)

It starts with feeling out of sorts with your life. It seems to sneak up on you one day, often in your 40’s. You begin to reevaluate everything: your job, your role in your family, and your relationship with your partner. Are these roles just nice boxes you fit yourself into when you were younger and conformed to expectations? You wonder whether you’re living an authentic life, true to who you are today. But, who are you? That same question followed you around in adolescence. The desire to find the answers is compelling. So you try a little bit of this and a little bit of that to see what fits.

Independence and Acting Out

(Photograph by Averie Woodward)

As you break free of old ideas about yourself, everything begins to look and feel different. Why is it that when life turns upside down everything suddenly becomes more vivid, and you feel so alive?  Even the painful emotional feelings have an absolute beauty because you no longer feel numb. You’re waking up to sights, sounds, tastes, images, feelings and connections with others.  Everything takes on a certain sensuality. Your nerve endings feel alive and heightened, and you have a willingness to take risks and try new things. Wild becomes your favorite color, and it can feel glorious.

The Yin and The Yang

(Photograph by Alvin Engler)

There’s always a price to pay when leaving the structure of your old life to create a new one. Perhaps you’re leaving behind a marriage or your family life as you knew it. Maybe it’s a career or old dreams for a secure retirement and financial security. Possibly, you’ve flipped your partner’s life upside-down when they appeared content with things as they were. As you pull out of the family driveway, stunned faces are reflected in your rearview mirror. A deeply confused sadness about that dogs you. But, like an adolescent – your needs come first.

Growing pains and change in adulthood are never easy. They sometimes look funny to the outside world. An adolescent dyes their hair blue or gets an earring. Adult adolescents get a new sports car or a much younger partner. There is a current trend of 60 and 70-year-olds (gray divorce) who are calling it quits, deciding to throw all their cards up in the air and change their life direction. Many of them are Grandpas and Grandmas. Now, what is that all about? Fascinating.

Brave Hearts. Honor Your Courage. Honor Your Knowing.