Did your relationship end leaving you feeling incredibly alone?

You can survive the empty spaces left by your divorce, and grow a new appreciation for the things you may have taken for granted.

When I remember the first days, months and years after my divorce, I remember the emotional pain I felt by the spaces in my life that were suddenly left empty. It sometimes felt like I was falling into a big, black void in the universe, with no safety net to catch me.

The sounds of my old life were silenced, and replaced by a discomforting quiet.

Waking up each morning to an empty bed; having coffee alone in the morning at my kitchen table, or the empty space of having to fix things when they broke.

WOW. These under-appreciated moments and details of one’s life.

 

I love this quote by Henry Rollins:

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” ~ Henry Rollins

I write a lot of emotional pain and the beauty it can bring to one’s life. When you feel loneliness and loss after a breakup, your focus inevitably shifts to a place of gratitude for every blessing you’ve had in your life. When you lose something, you appreciate it so much more.

 

After a divorce, there are SO many new experiences that happen to remind you that you’re alone, offering you a new appreciation for what’s lost.

 

No matter who initiated the breakup or divorce, there’s always value in looking back at your marriage and identifying the things you might have taken for granted or become complacent about over the years.

Here are a few very deep empty spaces after a breakup:

The Missing Companion

The empty space of running those sweet, mindless errands together. Planning activities for the weekend. Sharing your thoughts and ideas with one another. A partner for dinner out, or for going to the movies or a concert.

The Opportunity for Intimacy and Touch

I never imagined how much a person could miss touch. It can almost hurt sometimes. Of course, in a loveless marriage, you might be missing this aspect already. I didn’t realize how much I was touched in simple ways but didn’t appreciate it. Sometimes, you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone, right?

The Loss of Affection

The empty space where hugs, smiles, back rubs, or kind gestures that made you feel loved once existed. Or even the physical nearness of sitting close to a loved one while relaxing and streaming Netflix.

 

The Absence of Greetings and Goodbyes

Coming home to and leaving an empty house or apartment can feel very lonely. Suddenly, you realize that you could be anywhere, and no one would know where you were. I missed the warm hellos from my kids and the family dog, the temporary goodbyes, and loved ones happy to see me on my return.

The Perceived Safety Net

If the car broke down, it was reassuring to think that your spouse might be there to help you. Or, when an earthquake shook Southern California, your loved one checked in on you to make sure you were okay. If you were sick, someone might have nursed you. You feel the empty space of having someone there that might look out for and care about you. 

 

It takes a little time, but you’ll survive the lonely, empty spaces left by your divorce.

 

You will adjust, and maybe, just maybe, begin to discover what life looks like on your own. What at first felt like an empty space in specific areas are now being filled differently, and your alone time can become treasured and enjoyed. 

A Journey in Appreciation

As you journey from the days of struggle to becoming comfortable in your new life, you may begin to develop a new understanding that the things you might have taken for granted in your past relationship are things you will attempt to appreciate more in the future.