We Don’t Move On, We Move Forward From a Divorce.

After I got divorced, ending a 27-year marriage, I read all the books, went to therapy, and believed it was just a matter of time that I would “move on.”

I mean that’s what everyone tells you, right? They expect it of you. “Moving on” is something you should do. 

I began to keep my struggle to myself. 

A few years went by. I was puzzled. Why wasn’t I feeling better than I was?

The excruciating emotional pain I’d felt, in the beginning, had subsided, of course. But it was replaced by this silent undercurrent. And it dulled the colors I used to see in my life.

What’s wrong with me? Am I not over this thing? I would ask myself.

What I’ve learned after much study and research about the aftermath of divorce, is that you don’t “move on” from grief and loss, you move forward with it.

You may by everyone else’s standard have the ideal life after your divorce: a new relationship or marriage, a nice house, a dog, taking fun take vacations.

But you know you haven’t “moved on.” I haven’t “moved on” and I dislike that phrase so much.

Because it says that that period of my life was just points in time. Moments that I can leave behind me and probably should.

But, that life we had, is still so present for us. It’s present in the children we had together, the grandchildren that follow, and in the years of growth and memories that have made us.

EVERYTHING in my life today is because I had that marriage, AND because I lost it.

It’s present in my new marriage because it made me the person who my new husband wanted to marry. 

I’ve not “moved on.” I’ve moved forward from my divorce.

This experience marks us and makes us just as much as the joyful experiences do.

Divorce is something you don’t get until you get it until it happens to you. If it does, and the grief comes, you get it.

It’s not something that will simply reset. Or go away. You’ve been touched by something persistent and deep-rooted. 

You can and will be sad and happy. You’ll be grieving and still able to love.

You’re going to laugh and smile again. You’ll make new memories and moments.

You will absolutely move forward. But that doesn’t mean you’ve “moved on.”

So, let’s just let that expectation go. 

Let’s travel through this experience with kindness and self-compassion.

I would love to talk to you about how I can help you process through this in a way where the residual effects don’t adversely impact your move forward. 

Rather than sidestep around it, or wait for the day that you “move on,” you can take the reins and steer your healing in a direction that leads to a richness of life made better by the experience.

Let me help and support your move forward. Please reach out on the link below:

https://calendly.com/afterthesplit/move-forward-strategy-session

After the Split is an educational, mentoring online program. It is not psychotherapy.