Are you wondering if your marriage is vulnerable to divorce?
As a marriage and family therapist, I’ve had the privilege to work with many couples. Over time, specific patterns emerge. One is that most come in seeking help for their relationship in the fourth quarter, or late in the game. This
It is often at this point when hope in the marriage dies.
Why do couples wait so long to seek help?
When couples get caught up in the busyness of their family life, they often
Sometimes, couples just don’t want to deal with their concerns. Their issues may feel too big, painful, or unmanageable. Confronting them might be forcing them to make a particular decision they’re not ready to make.
Other times, I think they hope the problem will go away or get better over time.
It often comes down to a real crisis in their marriage, like the discovery of an addiction to pornography, gambling or a substance, or an errant text on their partner’s cell phone revealing infidelity. At this point, one or both partners are either feeling betrayed, hopeless or have given up.
7 Indicators Your Marriage is Vulnerable to Divorce:
1. Loss of Connection
Are you feeling disconnected from your partner?
Connection is a basic human need. We are hardwired to find it. When there’s a lack of communication, emotional safety, intimacy, and closeness in a marriage, a feeling of disconnection can ensue. Feeling emotionally cut off causes
2. Lack of Sex and Physical Affection
Are you having little to no sex? Do you rarely hug, hold hands or express
In the book, “His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage,” author Willard F. Harley writes that a man’s number one need is sexual fulfillment. Without it, he may feel cheated and betrayed by his wife. Likewise, for a woman, her number one need is physical affection. Interestingly, sex and physical affection can become part of a power struggle between the couple, with one holding back from the other, neither one getting their needs met.
Harley writes, “When it comes to sex and affection, you can’t have one without the other.”
3. Unresolved Conflict
Are you sweeping your problems under the rug?
When disagreements turn into unresolved conflicts, resentment builds. If this pattern continues, and both partners feel unheard, hope in the marriage is lost. When you believe that things will never change, the marriage becomes vulnerable to divorce.
4. Lack of Appreciation
Do you take each other for granted?
Feeling that you and your contributions to the relationship are taken for granted is frustrating and can lead to a lot of resentment.
5. Addiction
Have your partner’s behaviors changed? Have the drinking and arguing increased? Are secrets and dishonesty playing a role?
A marriage has trouble surviving when one or both partners suffer from addiction. Whether it be to pornography, gambling, alcohol or drugs, the result is the same. Chronic, untreated addiction and the effect is has on a relationship is a big indicator that your marriage is vulnerable to divorce.
6. Depression
Are you or your partner feeling sad, negative and unmotivated? Are you isolating yourself and absorbed in your own thoughts?
If one partner is struggling with untreated depression, a spouse can feel alone, isolated, and hopeless that things will ever change or improve. A depressed spouse may be consumed by their own emotional pain and lose sight of the effect it’s having on their marriage. Until it’s too late.
7. Loss of Respect
Are you losing all positive regard toward your spouse?
Contempt and a loss of respect for your partner can be the death knell to a marriage. A loss of respect can be a sudden or a gradual feeling, fueled by repeatedly feeling dismissed, unappreciated, or being the recipient of a partner’s misplaced anger. Transgressions or betrayals in the marriage, lies, and secrets, and disrespectful treatment can all contribute to one or both partners losing respect for one another.
Don’t wait. Seek help.
If you’re seeing indicators that your marriage is vulnerable to divorce, don’t wait. Seek help from a therapist who specializes in couples therapy.
The earlier you take action, the easier it will be to repair.
Knowing the signs that your marriage may be vulnerable to divorce is powerful information to help you keep and sustain a healthy marriage that lasts. Especially, early in the game!
Hi, my name is Jamie Daniel-Farrell. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a practice in Westlake Village, CA. Specializing in couples counseling and divorce recovery, I provide counseling services for individuals and couples who are motivated to create healthier, happier lives and relationships. If you're ready to break out of unhealthy patterns in your relationship, I would be happy to help! Please feel free to reach out or to call me at: